The Face of Abuse

For those of you who missed the 20/20 Diane Sawyer/Rihanna interview, I have embedded the videos below... Before I discuss my views on abusive relationships, and the Rihanna/Chris Brown fiasco please read the poem below:

A Kind of Love, Some Say

~Maya Angelou

Is it true the ribs can tell
The kick of a beast from a
Lover's fist? The bruised

Bones recorded well
The sudden shock, the

Hard impact. Then swollen lids,

Sorry eyes, spoke not

Of lost romance, but hurt.
Hate often is confused. Its

Limits are in zones beyond itself. And

Sadists will not learn that
Love, by nature, exacts a pain

Unequalled on the rack.

I decided to write about abusive relationships and in particularly post this poem because I feel there are so many women out there that have been victims of domestic violence. One of the very first episodes of Oprah's new season showed a woman who was the recipient of a face transplant after having her face shot off by her husband (Picture: top left). Unrecognizable of her former self, she stated she had thoughts about going back to her husband after her near death experience.

Rihanna (pic: upper-right) revealed during her interview, there had been several instances of abuse prior to the final and very publicized occurrence. If I had to guess, a man will almost never haul off and beat a woman the way Chris Brown did, as a first time occurrence. Abuse tends to start off verbally and gradually increases to various stages of physicality (shove, slap, etc.).

A few weeks ago I conducted a small poll on domestic violence. Of those that responded, approximately 60% had been abused or knew someone who had been a victim of domestic violence.

Sadly, one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. While men are occasionally victims, 85% of domestic violence victims are women. However, most cases are never reported to the police. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence/ncadv.org)

A strong, confident woman is much more likely to rid herself of a toxic situation. The weaker woman is one who almost always has low self-esteem, thus finding herself back in the same situation. In the 20/20 interview, Rihanna touts about her strength to Ms. Sawyer, but I beg to differ. It took "8 or 9 times" for her to escape an abusive relationship. In fact, she didn't initially define the previous occurrences as abuse, being that they weren't as violent. It was almost as if she was still trying to protect him...

Sawyer: "He repeatedly shoved you into a wall."

Rihanna: "No he didn't repeatedly shove me into a wall."

Sawyer: "What happened?"

Rihanna: "He shoved me into the wall."

Regardless to whether it was "repeatedly" or not, you were in fact shoved into a wall... and that is in fact abuse/domestic violence. Three weeks after that violent attack, Rihanna found herself back with Chris Brown. Although it certainly took a lot of strength for her to call it quits, I think the Bajan beauty has a long way to go before she is able to personify a strong, empowered woman. After all, when asked if she could see herself with Chris in the future... she mentioned that she isn't God, thus unable to see into the future.

Finally, we need to stop blaming the victim. With such ignorant comments as, "what did she do to provoke him," it is no wonder as to why this crime often goes unreported. Abuse in any form is about power and in this society that power is undeniably and inherently, male privilege.

The following is the 20/20 video clip.

If you or someone you know is the victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233span style="font-size:130%;">
*Be sure to leave a comment on your views of domestic violence and the Rihanna interview.