2009 MTV VMAs- Fave Peformances.

While Beyonce's "Single Ladies" (Video of the Year) routine was a crowd pleaser, it didn't steal the show for me. While I was entertained by Beyonce's performance, it was rather reminiscent of each of her performances... glitter and booty poppin. However there were 3 peformances that really embodied entertainment...

1.) Michael Jackson Tribute: feat. Janet Jackson

MTV Shows

This was my #1 pick. The entirety of the tribute was great... but Janet reigned supreme as she gave the performance of a lifetime singing "Scream" (duet w/Michael). Watching Janet in action felt like an old school throw back to 1989's "Rhythm Nation." Loved it! This woman is a true entertainer.

2.) Pink - "Sober"

P!nk - New Music - More Music Videos

I've always loved Pink because she never conforms to a mold. This was the mark of a true performer. Pink morphed into an acrobat for this trapeze act. She has always had an atheletic build, but who would've thought she could sing and flip around while suspended in the air. This girl is phenomenal.

3.) Last but definitely not least... Lady Gaga - "Paparazzi"

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

What can I say about Lady Gaga? I'm still trying to figure out this performance, but it was hot. Loved the whole "Carey" like bloody ending. I really don't expect anything less... this is one sick chick and it's grrreattt.

Now while all of these new comers are great... I think we should pay homage to a true queen of performance... The following video is from the 1990 MTV Awards. In my opinion it is hands down the best musical performance during an awards show... esp MTV... Madonna ~ "Vogue"

Kanye West proves to be an IGNORANT PRICK.

Kanye West Storms The VMA Stage

Kanye West needs his ass WHOOPED!!! I've never seen anyone so rude, arrogant and absurdly pompous as this ugly ass critter. In the middle of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for Best Female Video, this flamboyant prick (Kanye) managed to completely belittle her win. UNBELIEVABLE!!! WHAT NERVE!!!!

Now you see... Taylor is much better than me. She stood there awestruck like a damn deer caught in headlights. My first thought would have been to take that award and beat Mr. West into a bloody pulp. However, the more tamed, classier side of me would have made a rather wise comment such as... "Thank you Kanye for your MARVELOUSSS interpretation of a walking, talking dick... everyone give him a HAND."

This man really needs to be force fed a slice of humble pie. You would think after life changing events... i.e. laying on your death bed with your jaw wired shut or perhaps the sudden death of your mother, you would try to be a better person.

Kanye posted an apology on his official blog saying, "I feel like Ben Stiller in "Meet the Parents" when he messed up everything and Robert De Niro asked him to leave... That was Taylor's moment and I had no right in any way to take it from her. I am truly sorry." PLEASE!!! He isn't sorry for what he did. However, he was right in saying "I am truly sorry"... because he is one sorry ass excuse for a man.

Remember Kanye... you've only made it this far because of the little people. Ride this wave as long as you can because when it crashes... your ass is finished.

Hot Sloppy Messes

Why is it that those who opt to go without a bra are always those who need the most support?

Just look at this! Granted... it is the summer! However, what would possess her to put on that tank without a bra? If you look closely you can spot her nipple.

Lastly, I sincerely hope that she is pregnant, otherwise that loose gut is purely the result of gluttony... I mean really, you can locate her navel. Eww!

NEXTTTTT VICTIM PLEASE!!!

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse. Upon ascending from the sub-dwellings of NYC... this is what greeted me at the top of the stairs.

Before I rip into this Bodacious Boriqua... Who in the hell still uses a pay phone? I guess none other than The Big, The Bold & The Busted!!! I mean after all... with such a scanty, whorish ensemble, I'm going to assume there wasn't an available space to put a cell phone.

Once again, you can see the imprint of this victim's navel. The tawdry top exposes the entirety of her side and back. Clearly this top was not made for a woman of a certain size. I've said it before and I will say it again... JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE IT IN YOUR SIZE, DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD WEAR IT. I only wish the photo was clearer so you could see the resemblance between her and "Slimer" from The Ghostbusters.

Rag Time!!!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words... which is why I had to snap these shots on the train.

Where do I start? The warts on her face? No no no... Let's start with the overly bleached blond straw-like hair, parted ever so slightly to reveal several inches of new growth. Someone buy this woman a WIG. This is what happens when you go overboard with the chemicals.

Rather than slipping into some control hosiery, she opted to go for bare legs. WRONG MOVE!!! Her legs look as if they were filled with oatmeal and tapioca.

Let's discuss what I found to be the most disturbing and downright vomit inducing... Clearly that top is wayyyyy too small. Instead of sending that shit to the "Salvo" (when she likely grew out of it 20 years ago), she decided to hike that hideous pleated skirt up (damn near under her breasts). Being that she was unable to secure more than 2-3 buttons, this was her feeble attempt to hide what would have been a completely exposed midriff. However, as luck would have it, one of her rolls managed to play peek-a-boo.

Last but not least, one would think that she could have found a bra that would actually allow her breasts to sit on her chest rather than hiding under her arms.

On a positive note, I will give her some credit for trying to coordinate her cheetah print, peep-toe shoes with her knock-off Marc Jacobs bag. P.S. Ladies, no one will believe that you are really carrying a $1200 bag when the rest of you looks like $12.

I think it's safe to say she isn't reading the life & style section. The only thing she managed to achieve was the look of an aged Little Lotta.

College Yearbook... A WASTE!!!

Just finished peeling through my college yearbook that just arrived today. Now for the critique: Way too juvenile for a college yearbook. It is the equivalent of a H.S yearbook... The only thing that was missing was "senior superlatives." Did we really have a "well wishes" page for personal messages?

The cover was designed to resemble a magazine, complete with highlights from the school year. Who graces the cover? None other than our dopey ass, childlike mascot... the Red Dragon. The dumb thing looks like "Puff the Magic Dragon" except this prick is red. It would have been impossible for us to be a Division I school with such a silly school representative.

There were some fairly nice photographs of the campus (thought I'd throw that in to be positive).

Anyway, as for the actual pics... more than half of the graduating class failed to pose for a picture. What is the point of a yearbook if there is barely a soul in the damn thing. Some of those whose pictures are in the book should've skipped the photo session. How in hell are you going to show up for senior pictures in a damn sweatshirt? There was even a tawdry tiara that adorned one girl's head.

The closing page consisted of a slew of photos of the same damn people including the Senior Class President and friends... Really?

Not all pictures of the departmental faculty have there names listed... and if they were, they weren't listed in order from left to right... so you wouldn't know who the hell you were looking at unless you personally know the professor. Was this really edited?

I really wish I would have been more active in various areas while in school, to prevent such atrocities. I have a ton of ideas that would have made this book a much more unique way to remember a graduating (college) class. I'm sure some of you are saying, "if you know so much and have so much to say, why weren't you on the yearbook committee?" I have three words for you: KISS MY ASS!!! I had enough stress and crap piled on my plate, at least I had the good sense not to add anything extra and half-ass it just so I can list it on my resume or a grad school application. Bottom line... Those who can step, step! Those who cannot, step back!

Finally, I leave you with a quote from the President, Nancy Kleniewski: "I am confident that your education prepared you well for a successful future." Well Nancy... I sure wish I shared your confidence, because right about now... I am feeling BROKE, BUSTED and DIGUSTED.